List of Things That I Want...

Things that I want:-

1. I want W810i!!!!
2. I want a tube dress which I'm searching for a long time.
3. I want an Adidas shoes.
4. I want to do my hair.
5. I want shopping!
6. I want to slim down =( [which I'm trying to diet and exercise but food are soo tempting]
7. I want to get a car with CD player in it. (that's means more money)
8. I want more money!!!! =D
9. I want you!!!!
10. I will get back to you again once I can think of more.Hehehehe...

Actually, this is what most gals want in their life. hehehe... so, don't blame me at least I have a list to accomplish better than nothing to do. =P

A week later..

It's been a week since I blogged. Nothing much happened in between those days. Was busy with my work and trying to spend more time with my friends. Attend fundraising for National Stroke Association Malaysia (NASAM) which was fully paid by company. It was an "ok" event but not my type. Lots of senior citizens attended it but the food was good. It was a good experienced and after the event, me and my colleagues went to a hawker stall and tried one of her mum's popiah. Although all of us are full, but we take a bite or two just to try it because her mum going to retired end of this month.

Today, went to catch movie with nicholas, it won and sonia. We watched "Death Note". It was an "ok" show although some part kinda blur. It is japanese show. Someone suppose to show up but in the end, he can't make it. I did called but unfortunately his hp "warded". But it was ok with me, at least I spend time with my friends. But he did show up for lunch after our movie but I have to give him a call. Lucky for him that he never went back to sleep but he did turn up. hehehehe... (guilty concious) Although was a short time, but I appreciate the most. =P

Hurts

I wish I can stay far away from people that I know. Feel the freedom, feel the spacious and breathe a new fresh air and new begining.

I felt being controled. I don't feel the freedom. When I was young, I listened to them. Now I am old, I felt even worst. No freedom, I am old enough to think. When I'm 28, are you going to "cage" me still? I never had my enjoyment for once. Everytime, my friends asked me out, I can't because of HIM. Drink half a bottle of beer also he complaint. sigh...

When is the time will I get my freedom? By the time I'm married, will I get those? I doubt! There's more responsibilities. Now's I'm single and not married, I should enjoy what I have now before I'm getting older. How to tell a stubborn man about this? Told him not once but many times about how I felt but he never wan to understand. I know I'm his daughter and he care and worried for me. But the more you worried, the more unexpected things will happen.

I know what is surrounding me. Not say I never tell who I am with or where I go. I know he concern for me and care for me but sometimes, I need the freedom. Total freedom what I want to do to enjoy myself to release all this stress things from myself, from my feelings. I just don't want to put burden on you, that's why I look for alternative. That is enjoy myself with my friends. Life is complicated. One problem come, then gone and another problem come again. I wonder when will it ends and have a smooth and sailing life?

Not say I don't love you. I love you and I don't wan you to worried about me with my problems. You have migraine, you have lots of burden in your family. I just don't want you to add another problems. That's why iI rather keep to myself because I don't want to hurt people that I love dearly. I love someone but I rather get hurt instead of them............................

I Don't Understand =(

I sometimes don't understand some people. When the plans we had planned earlier on and now making it so complicated. WHY?! I'm just asking whether is it OK if there's someone that you don't like will be around with us when meet up. Some people can be making things so complicated and answered me with a questions. Arghhhh! Said that, I'm prepared and this is the sign showed that "You can pick me up now" and some people can be so ignorant and can be so "Blur".

When things goes unexpectedly, some people tends to blame on others and said such harshed words. I don't understand. I have given the signs so clearly and making me feel so guilty for waking that person up so early and hardly get enough rest. When I cancelled it, that person put the blame on me coz I never tell him straight forward. TOLD ALREADY!! I Hate this thing... =(

Such A Beautiful Day.... NOT!!

Yesterday at work, I was kinda stressed up with my work. After I came back from work, I cleaned the house and was just releasing my stress. After prayers, (pray my alter coz noone at home) and, guess what, I walked all the way from my house to a cafe near Melaka Raya. It took me at least half an hour to 40 mins to reach at the destination. Half to my destination, I can even meet my gal fren who supposed to meet me up after her yoga. She was surprised to see me and she don't believe me that I walked all the way there. hahaha... It was nice to be sitting alone by yourself and enjoy the the surrounding once in a while. I ate my dinner and read magazine alone! haha.. Never done that in ages! Meet few of my friends ( not so close) and eventually, it was nice talking to him. haha.. He is younger than me anyway (my bro's friend). My gal friend met me up after her yoga and was talking about guys and relationship! hahaha... What she has gone thru it, I also been going thru it. Her situation almost similar to my past. I understand her conditions. Guys... sigh~!

Anyway, today work still loaded. One problem come to another problem and kinda stressed it out. I better start to organize my work before things get worst. It's all about foreign workers and my desk is not enough space for me to do my work! hahaha.. on my desk, there's HR work, there's Foreign workers and Insurance..

Under my desk, there's no place for my leg to rest. Hahaha.. All full of files. After work, rush myself to the mall to shop for my clothing coz I saw my colleague bought the blouse whcih is damn super nice and I kinda like it. Then, went back home and doze off once I touched my bed. hahaha.. Later going out with my chi muis and wanna eat the Burger at tepi longkang! woot!! me hungry now *growling*

That's all from me now... Sometimes, I do hate blogging! hahaha...

Mens...

"Men are like a fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd like to have dinner with."

My day today...

Life in my new working life sometimes can be so relaxing but at a time can be real stressed up. sigh~!... today, most of my work I dealed are foreign workers. Because of one of them passed away due to pneumonia, and he is not insured, I have to dig out all the old files and to make sure around one thousands workers are insured. oh my god! My desk are piling up with files and papers.

I am dealing with Human Resources and Administrative work. I got at least three portfolios: HR, Insurance and Foreign Workers. It is the job that I wanted but I don't expect too many portfolios. It is a very challenging working life and sometimes I do enjoy the stress but not all the time. My superior keep pushing everything to me and what does he do? Sleep, eat and smoke. When he sleep, my colleague and me will said " tong tong cheng!" meaning doze off.. hahaha.. We always called him Boss (second Boss) cuz he never do anything and always order us to do his work, while he shakes his leg (which he really did shake his leg even sleeping) .

Hmmm... in the morning, the time past very fast but in the afternoon, the time past so slow.I have to drink nescafe just to make myself alert and I'm trying to avoid it coz I'm afraid I will addicted to it. Frankly speaking, my colleague make the drinks for me coz her nescafe is damn super nice. Not super bitter nor sweet. Just nice. hahaha..

My Big Boss asking me to program a database for foreign workers and also for their lands. More stress, more works! They hired me coz of that! I told them I am not that good but I will try eventually. Show them my skills (konon laaa I got the skills... I don't know whether I can remember or not) but I also need some help from experts! I sudah karat in database la!! hahaha... I'll stop here now, coz I have no idea what to say and my blogging is sucks! haha..

What Is Happiness?

"You will never find happiness if you don't challenge your

weaknesses and change yourself from within."

What is the purpose of life? It is to become happy. Whatever country or society people live in, they all have the same deep desire: to become happy.

Yet, there are few ideals as difficult to grasp as that of happiness. In our daily life we constantly experience happiness and unhappiness, but we are still quite ignorant as to what happiness really is.

A young friend of mine once spent a long time trying to work out what happiness was, particularly happiness for women. When she first thought about happiness, she saw it as a matter of becoming financially secure or getting married. (The view in society then was that happiness for a woman was only to be found in marriage.) But looking at friends who were married, she realised that marriage did not necessarily guarantee happiness. She saw couples who had been passionately in love suffering from discord soon after their wedding. She saw women who had married men with money or status but who fought constantly with their husbands.

Gradually, she realised that the secret of happiness lay in building a strong inner self that no trial or hardship could ruin. She saw that happiness for anyone - man or woman - does not come simply from having a formal education, from wealth or from marriage. It begins with having the strength to confront and conquer one's own weakness. Only then does it become possible to lead a truly happy life and enjoy a successful marriage.

She finally told me, "Now I can say with confidence that happiness doesn't exist in the past or in the future. It only exists within our state of life right now, here in the present, as we face the challenges of daily life."

I agree entirely. You yourself know best whether you are feeling joy or struggling with suffering. These things are not known to other people. Even a man who has great wealth, social recognition and many awards may still be shadowed by indescribable suffering deep in his heart. On the other hand, an elderly woman who is not fotunate financially, leading a simple life alone, may feel the sun of joy and happiness rising in her heart each day.

Happiness is not a life without problems, but rather the strength to overcome the problems that come our way. There is no such thing as a problem-free life; difficulties are unavoidable. But how we experience and react to our problems depends on us.

Buddhism teaches that we are each responsible for our own happiness or unhappiness. Our vitality - the amount of energy or "lifeforce" we have - is in fact the single most important factor in determining whether or not we are happy.

True happiness is to be found within, in the state of our hearts. It does not exist on the far side of some distant mountains. It is within you, yourself. However much you try, you can never run away from yourself. And if you are weak, suffering will follow you wherever you go. You will never find happiness if you do not challenge your weaknesses and change yourself from within. Happiness is to be found in the dynamism and energy of your own life as you struggle to overcome one obstacle after another. This is why I believe that a person who is active and free from fear is truly happy.

The challenges we face in life can be compared to a tall mountain, rising before a mountain climber. For someone who has not trained properly, whose muscles and reflexes are weak and slow, every inch of the climb will be filled with terror and pain. The exact same climb, however, will be a thrilling journey for someone who is prepared, whose arms and legs have been strengthened by constant training. With each step foward and up, beautiful new views will come into sight.

My teacher used to talk about two kinds of happiness - "relative" and "absolute" happiness. Relative happiness is happiness that depends on things outside ourselves: friends and family, surroundings, the size of our home or family income. This is what we feel when a desire is fulfilled, or something we have longed for is obtained. While the happiness such things bring us in certainly real, the fact is that none of this lasts forever. Things change. People change. This kind of happiness shatters easily when external conditions alter.

Relative happiness is also based on comparison with others. We may feel this kind of happiness at having a newer or bigger home than the neighbours. But that feeling turns to misery the moment they start making new additions to theirs!

Absolute happiness, on the other hand, is something we must find within. It means establishing a state of life in which we are never defeated by trials, and where just being alive is a source of great joy. This persists no matter what we might be lacking, or what might happen around us. A deep sense of joy is soemthing which can only exist in the innermost reaches of our life, and which cannot be destroyed by any external forces. It is eternal and inexhaustible.

This kind of satisfaction is to be found in consistent and repeated effort, so that we can say, "Today, again, I did my very best. Today, again, I have no regrets. Today, again, I won." The accumulated result of such efforts is a life of great victory.

What we should compare is not ourselves against others. We should compare who we are today against who we were yesterday, who we are today against who we will be tomorrow. While this may seem simple and obvious, true happiness is found in a life of constant advancement. And, the same worries that could have made us miserable can actually be a source of growth when we approach them with courage and wisdom.

One friend whose dramatic life proved this was Natalia Satz, who founded the first children's theatre in Moscow. In the 1930s, she and her husband were marked by Soviet Union's secret police. Even though they were guilty of no crime, her husband was arrested and executed and she was sent to a prison camp in the frozen depths of Siberia. After she recovered from the initial shock, she started looking at her situation, not with despair, but for opportunity.

She realised that many of her fellow prisoners had special skills and talents. She began organising a "university", encouraging the prisoners to share their knowledge. "You. You are scientist. teach us about science. You are artist. Talk to us about art." In this way, the boredom and terror of the prison camp were transformed into the joy of learning and teaching. Eventually, she even made use of her own unique talents to organise a theatre group.

She survived the five-year prison sentence, and dedicated the rest of her long life to creating children's theatre. When we met for the first time in Moscow in 1982, she was already in her 80s. She was as radiant and buoyant as a young girl. Her smile was the smile of someone who has triumphed over the hardships of life. Hers is the kind of spirit I had in mind when I wrote the following poem on "Happiness":

A person with a vast heart is happy.

Such a person lives each day with a broad and embracing spirit.

A person with a strong will is happy.

Such a person can confidently enjoy life, never defeated by suffering.

A person with a profound spirit is happy.

Such a person can savour life's depths while creating meaning and value

that will last for enternity.

A person with a pure mind is happy.

Such a person is always surrounded by refreshing breezes of joy.

Author : Daisaku Ikeda from "A Piece of Mirror "

Quotes for the Day...

" A man is like a pillar, a woman like the crossbeam. A man is like the legs of a person, a woman like the trunk. A man is like the wings of a bird, a woman like the body. If the wings and the body become separated, then how can the bird fly? And if the pillar topples, then the crossbeam will surely fall to the ground"

After a month...

It's been a month now ever since my break up. Till today, I still cried for him. Wishing he will call me or said he is sorry for everything. But I was wrong. That will never happened! But I still tried to stands strong. Trying to move on. I realise, I cried so much coz I hate myself as well as him. Hate him for breaking my heart. Hate myself for not being so strong to move on. This is the most devastating time for me. When I think of what he did to me, I still cry. If I think of our memories, I will also cry. So, if i don't think of him? That kinda impossible coz memories is always there. Dear GOD, pls give me strength to move on! I need those the most! My eyes swollen from all those tears! Does he knows? I doubt it. If he does, what had he done now? Why guys are being so cruel? Can't they just try to compromise things first? Sob Sob... just after crying and I felt so tiring! I don't wanna cry no more!!!!

My Bad Luck Happened Again~!

3 days in a row!!!!! wow.. My bad luck is getting worst. The first one was I lost my earrings, the second day was I saw you-know-who at a "mamak" stall and the 3rd day which is today... one of my car's tyre "pancit". And I have to pay RM150 for that damn tyre!! arghhh!!! I can buy 1 Adidas Shoes!!! sigh.. next month I have to pay my telephone bills! This month really not my month! I hope next month is a better luck! I better go "mandi" flower water... sigh...

Last night, went to rave party at A'Famosa! It was cool but the ending sucks! the DJ kinda screech the stupid "piring hitam" and showing off with his skills! Kinda not my type! haahahhaa...too much screeching.. Lots of leng cais and leng luis.. pheeweeett.. I went with my group of guy and girl friends and we seemed to look like "innocent" more although we did try our best to dress up.

Unfortunately, the party ended kinda early.. It supposed to end at least 3/4 am and the stupid local authorities "advices" to close at 1am. Boring`! But overall, it was fun! It was HUGEEEeee and a very good experience! Hope to go next year!

Such A Bad Day~! =(

Today is not my day~! Argggghhhhhh!!!! I was emo today, almost the whole day! I cried even I go out~! Pathetic~! Spoil my mood only! Went out with my chi muis tonight to catch a movie titled "The Prestige". It was kinda good but need to focus and udnerstand because it can be complicated once you don't understand it. We went back after the show and my bad luck keep coming in!.. I lost my favourite earring that I wore it earlier on to the cinema!! Arghhh!! How can God treat me like this? Unlucky things tends to show up even more. I have lost my beloved aunty that I love dearly, and I have lost my love life. And now I have lost my favourite things! boohooo~!~!.. I hate this year!!! Not my year!!

Fun

Last Sunday, I was having so much fun! I went to Pure Bar... it was suppose to be a short while meeting with some of my juniors. It was Jie Yi's birthday, and I didn't know that till someone told me. We danced, we drank and we laughed. That was like ages I haven't been clubbing. Got high... and end up I was there till 3a.m.!!! And the most greatest thing was, the next day I have to go to work. Hahahaha... But the end of the day, broke down because of the sad song that we sing! oh my god!! That is really bad... sigh.. But it was a relief either.

Thanks to everyone for making my day!!! muacks~!

Gossips

Last night, I attended my mum's side wedding dinner. I was kinda taken aback from the event. I wish I am married. hahaha... I wonder who is my husband-to-be. Maybe because I'm ready to settle down and shits happened unexpectedly. The day before, my relative keep asking me where is my bf. I told them I don't have one. It really "hit" my heart. They keep asking when can they meet him and when am I going to get marry. wow.... I didn't know they are much more eager than me. Sigh.. old citizens..

Anyway, after my dinner, (went off before the dinner ends) went to yam char with my juniors, precisely my brother and my lil' cousin's friends. (I felt so young! tehheee..) We were like updating... actually, the gals updated themselves with their friends. I was just listening and interfering only. Some of their friends I know them.. thank God! if not, I'm out of their world. It was kinda fun talking bout their friends.. This in another word called "Gossips" hahaha.. well, without gossiping, I don't think there's a better topic to talk about till the wee hour. hahaha... We gals intend to gossips alot because this is what we call "updating".When one of the gal asked is there anything new? I dare not to voice out about my "new status". Maybe, I just don't want them to said "again?!!" or maybe I don't wanna talk about it. It was a great feelings to be with in a group. hahaha... cheerz gals~!

Happiness

Today..I was kinda happy because, 1) get to meet a new friend and 2) my brother is back. After my dinner, my chi muis, her fren and my brother went to tribe to yam char. We met the other friends and we chit-chat the whole night. It was fun hanging out in a group! We even plans for the next weekend and I cant wait for it! Life have to move on~!Without them, I don't think I can stand till now and my emotional won't be control then. Thank you it won, sonia n my bro. Thank you lili who support me all the way from Aussie. hahaha... Thanks to all my fren who care for me and you know who you guys/gals are. Muacks.. Love ya alotz

..::Young Love::..

It is as natural for young people to fall in love as it is for flowers to bloom in spring.
And yet, the agonies of love are many and varied.
While everyone is free to fall in love or be attracted to someone, and no one has the right to meddle in your private affairs. I feel it is also important not to lose sight of pursuing your own personal development. There are of course no rules on love and marriage, and no one has the right to restrict you in any way. But I hate to see young people getting involved in frivolous relationships, and suffering and agonising over them when they should be fulfilled and happy.
My mentor in life, Mr. Toda, often said that when women act with dignity in relationship, problems can be avoided. Women, he said, should not have an easy-going, careless attitude concerning love, as this may lead to regrets and suffering.
While I am writing this with young women particularly in mind, much of what I am saying also applies to young men.
To me, love should be a force that helps us expand our lives and bring out our potential with fresh vitality. This is the ideal, but all too often, people lose all objectivity when they fall in love.
The question is "Does this person inspire you to work harder, or distract you from what you have to do? Does their presence make you more determined to devote great energies to your activities, to be a better person? Do they inspire you to realise your future goals and work towards them? Or is that person your ventral focus, overshadowing everything else?"
If you find that you are neglecting things you should be doing, forgetting your purpose in life because of the relationship you are in, then I would guess that you might be in the wrong path. A healthy relationship, in my view, is one in which two people encourage each other to reach their respective goals, while sharing each other's hopes and dreams. A relationship should be a source of inspiration, invigoration and hope.
Rather than becoming so love-struck that you create a world in which only the two of you exist, it is much healthier to learn from those aspects of your loved one that you respect and admire, and continue to make efforts to improve and develop youself. Antoine de Saint-Exupery, the author of "The Little Prince", once wrote, "Love is not two people gazing at each other, but two people looking ahead together in the same direction."
Of course, much of daily life tends to be ordinary and unexciting. Making steady efforts to improve ourselves can be trying. And then, when you fall in love, life seems filled with drama and excitement and you feel like the leading character in a book. But if you lose yourself in love just because you are bored, and veer from your path in life, then love is nothing more than escapism. But sadly many people believe that this kind of love is the be-all and end-all, eluding themselves that as long as they are in love, nothing else matters.
Even if you try to use love as an escape, the euphoria is unlikely to last for long. If anything, you may only find yourself with more problems along with a great deal of pain and sadness. However much you may try, you can never run away from yourself. If you remain weak inside, suffering will only follow you wherever you go. You will never find happiness if you do not change yourself from within, Happiness is not something that anyone else, even a lover, can give you. You have to achieve it by yourself. And, the only way to do so is by developing your character and capacity as a human being, by fully maximising your potetial. If you sacrifice your own growth and talent for love, you absolutely will not find happiness.
My concern in saying this is purely for the sake of young people - particularly young women who are often very vulnerable to persuasion by young men. They can sometimes act as if they are stunned and lose their ability to make calm, rational decisions. Since young women are the one who most often get hurt, they have every right to assert their dignity and look after their own welfare.
It is precisely for this reason that I feel it is important for young women to develop inner strength and self-respect.
It is demeanig to be constantly seeking approval. If you find yourself in a relationship where you are not treated the way your heart tells you should be, I hope you will have the courage and dignity to decide that you are better off running the risk of being alone for the time being rahter than enduring an unhappy relationship.
Real love is not two people clinging to each other; it can only be fostered between two strong people secure in their individuality. A shallow person will only have shallow relationships. If you wan to experience real love, it is important first to develop a strong self-identity. True love is not about doing whatever the other person wants you to do, or pretending that you are something tou are not. Ideal love is fostered only between two sincere, mature and independent people.


" If you sacrifice your own growth and talent for love, you absolutely will not find happiness"


Author : Daisaku Ikeda from "A Piece of Mirror "

End of Misery...

After I had cried so hard, I have decided to move on and let everything goes. I know it take steps by steps to move on. There will be a time when I will talk about our time together, there's a time I will think of him and miss him but I will not let myself down (maybe down a lil' la...). I can't just being sad n depress all the time, he don't even know what I have been going through. I know that when I'm sad , my friends will be sad too. When he want to come back, he will know how to come to me then only I will decide what to do with him. Hopefully, by that time I'm move on and have someone that I can care for and to be loved. So, Mr, RIght out there.. you know what u have to do.. hehehe.. =P

Heart-Broken...

I had tried to make myself strong so that I can move on easily. There's many ways I tried, I tried hating him, tried to make myself busy and tried not to think of him but I failed. In the end, I still love him. I cant make myself busy everyday. Going out everyday won't work on me. My parents will worry about me and there's time that I will think of him and it really effects me. It hurts to see that we are not together anymore.
What did I do wrong to deserve this? I had always tried my best to change to make him happy. Why?!?!? Almost everyday I cried. He really break my heart. How can I fall for a heartless person? I thought he was a caring person, loving person, protective person and also a sensitive guy. But after all this, I think I was wrong. The sensitivity of him is gone.
I am in pain now............

Feelings...

I never knew that I would loved a man for the past 6 years. It's hard to let him go but I have to be strong since he ain't want our loves, my loves. It's selfish of him to just end it without compromising it. I never even get an explaination, the truth about the whole break-up thing. Even I am so badly wanted to hear his voice, and talk to him, but I dare not hear what he had to say because i know that his words will hurt me deeply.

I had done my best in our relationship. Forgiving him of what he had done to me in the past, sacrifices, putting a side my principals and prides. This is because I love him very much. I do hate him at a time but my love towards him is much more stronger. I intends to keep forgiving him for his mistakes.

Time flies very fast. I thought that we can settle down but I was wrong. He don't seem to understand me more. Sometimes he is selfish because he intends to think of himself, his satisfaction and his happiness. I do admit that part of this break-up is my fault. I always blame on myself because i intend to be stubborn but he should understand me well because he chose me of who I am. Moreover, humans make mistakes. If I can accept his flawless, why can't he accept mine?

At least, when our relationship end, i did change him to be a better person than the person I first met. I'm glad that I changed him and I hope he knows about it. I am also glad that he and his sister now is in talking term. At least this few things that I had done my part as a girlfriend.

Conclusion now is I have to move on no matter what. When the time comes, I will know the reasons (I think). During the break-up session, I am in dilemma. I am in such a bad-shape, hardly sleep for a week and hardly eat as well. I was feeling like I'm going to die without him.

But now i had learnt to live without him because he don't appreciate me the most. If he cant compromise things out, this shows that he is immature. He is not capable to handle problems himself. He is only capable of avoiding problems. I hope that he change to be a better person and I know his family especially his mum is worrying about him.

Deep in my heart, he is there because he is my first love and my love towards him is still there till I am move on but I will always open my heart to the others. =Goodbye KLF=